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General Flapalot cross stitch pattern
General Flapalot cross stitch pattern
General Flapalot Cross Stitch Pattern

Stitchers, eyeeeees front… stand at ease… 😂 General Flapalot might look like he’s ready for action, but all he wants to do is march you into the gorgeous gardens at Versailles so you sit your tail down and rest. This cross stitch pattern features this proud looking robin with his raspberry coloured sash and gold aiguillettes. Based on an original watercolour and ink pen illustration, delicate backstitch and French knots add detail and whimsy to this pattern. This pattern also comes with optional printable speech bubbles (some sassy, some sweet, and some blank for your own phrases) as a separate PDF so you can really make General Flapalot reflect your mood. This pattern is also available in the Versailles Garden cross stitch pattern set.

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Get Bent cross stitch pattern
Get Bent cross stitch pattern
Get Bent Cross Stitch Pattern

Now that people are starting to return to their offices or are oh-so-over endless Zoom calls, now might be a great time to jazz up your workstation so you can tell your coworkers exactly where they need to go with their “great” idea… 😂 Based on an original watercolour painting, the Get Bent cross stitch pattern is the perfect mix of sweet and sassy. As seen in Issue 18 of XStitch Magazine.

As seen in XStitch Mag

 

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Get Sampled cross stitch pattern set
Get Sampled cross stitch pattern set
Get Sampled Cross Stitch Pattern Set

The Get Sampled cross stitch pattern set features all four patterns in the Country Twists collection: ABC OMG, Mortgage Sweet Mortgage, Samplers Since 1675, and She Betta Don’t. The pattern lays out all four patterns stitched as one piece as shown in the gold framed main image, but they can also be stitched and framed individually. These patterns all feature the same pretty textured border to tie all the designs together, making a fun modern twist on a traditional cross stitch sampler.

not rated $16.99
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Go Bloom Yourself cross stitch hand embroidery pattern set
Zero Fronds Given cross stitch pattern
Go Bloom Yourself Collection Pattern Set

Just can’t make up your mind which patterns to get first? The Go Bloom Yourself collection pattern set will help you with that! Featuring all ten cross stitch and hand embroidery patterns in the collection, this set is perfect if you’re wanting to stitch up gifts for loved ones, or just decorate your home with a blend of snark and sweetness. Patterns included are the hand embroidery patterns Let Love Bloom, Garden Hoes, Let Your Dreams Blossom and Fresh Out of Fuchsias, as well as the cross stitch patterns Zero Fronds Given, Sit on a Thorn, Life is a Garden, Delicate Flower, Go Pollinate Yourself and Be Blooming Fabulous. Purchasing this pattern set also saves you $20 over buying the individual patterns. There are stitching tutorials for the hand embroidery stitches featured, so even beginners can feel comfortable they’ll be able to tackle any of these patterns. Stitch up a snarky and sweet storm with the Go Bloom Yourself collection pattern set.

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Go Bloom Yourself cross stitch pattern set
Sit on a Thorn cross stitch pattern
Go Bloom Yourself Cross Stitch Pattern Set

Stitch up a storm with the Go Bloom Yourself cross stitch pattern set. Featuring all six cross stitch patterns from the Go Bloom Yourself collection, this fun mix of sweet and snarky has a little something for everyone. The patterns included are Zero Fronds Given, Sit on a Thorn, Life is a Garden, Delicate Flower, Go Pollinate Yourself and Be Blooming Fabulous. Two of the patterns also use optional embroidered roses, and a tutorial for that stitch is included in the patterns. Also by purchasing this set, you’re saving $15 over the price of buying these patterns individually. Whether you’re stitching for your home or office, or that perfect “special” gift, this cross stitch pattern set has something for all occasions.

not rated $33.74
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Go Bloom Yourself hand embroidery pattern set
Let Your Dreams Blossom hand embroidery pattern
Go Bloom Yourself Hand Embroidery Pattern Set

Get your embroidery groove on with the Go Bloom Yourself hand embroidery pattern set. This set of four patterns features all the hand embroidery patterns in the Go Bloom Yourself collection. Let Love Bloom, Garden Hoes, Let Your Dreams Blossom and Fresh Out of Fuchsias make up this pretty set. The patterns come with links to free tutorials as well, so even beginner embroiderers can tackle these lively patterns. Plus by purchasing the set, you’re getting four patterns for the price of three. Whether you’re feeling snarky or sweet, or want to make some lovely projects for yourself or a loved one, this pretty set has something for everyone.

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Go Pollinate Yourself cross stitch pattern
Go Pollinate Yourself cross stitch pattern
Go Pollinate Yourself Cross Stitch Pattern

You know those moments when you just want to “express yourself” to someone but you don’t want to use colourful language? The Go Pollinate Yourself cross stitch pattern just might be ideal for occasions like that. This pattern pairs a cheeky phrase with a whimsical floral wreath, and is perfect if you have small children at home as there are no “bad words” for them to read. It’s also a fun gift for the gardeners in your life. The beautiful rich oranges contrast with vibrant purples, and add a refreshing splash of colour to your home or office. This pattern features simple stitches (full stitches, backstitch, a few fractionals in the letters), meaning this pattern is suitable for all levels of stitchers. You could even simplify the pattern and leave the text off, leaving the beautiful floral wreath. Enjoy expressing your true feelings with more eloquence and whimsy with the Go Pollinate Yourself cross stitch pattern.

 

This pattern is also available in the Go Bloom Yourself cross stitch pattern set, and the Go Bloom Yourself collection pattern set (the full collection).

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Gypit Hoor cross stitch pattern hoop
Gypit Hoor cross stitch pattern no text
Gypit Hoor Cross Stitch Pattern

The Jacobean-era inspired botanical wreath of the Gypit Hoor cross stitch pattern holds a secret — the true cheekiness of the text. The Doric Scottish insult “Gypit Hoor” actually translates to “crazy whore,” but of course you could create your own translation for those who are more sensitive like children in the home (or your parents, or that one “special” friend who takes offence to everything…). “Great woman” might be a good fake translation if needed …. 😂 Rich golds and vibrant pinks and purples enhance the sparkle of the pretty gold Japan Threads and the delicate gold beading. If the text isn’t to your taste for the pattern, you could add in your own text with any of the cross stitch alphabet charts, or you could stitch the pattern without the text, there’s an example photograph showing what it looks like without text. And if you’re not sure what Japan Threads are, you can check out this free video tutorial. 😊

This design is also available as a downloadable cellphone wallpaper, printable gift tags, and printable art. They can be purchased individually or as a set, or the Mega Bundle with all downloadable products and all the Cheeky Wee Lass cross stitch patterns is also available. Just the Cheeky Wee Lass cross stitch patterns are also available as a set.

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Heart Grows Fonder Cross Stitch Pattern
Heart Grows Fonder Cross Stitch Pattern
Heart Grows Fonder Cross Stitch Pattern

Did the cheeky phrase in the Heart Grows Fonder cross stitch pattern just make you do a double take? Good, because that’s intentional… 😂 This design is a play on the phrase, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder,” because let’s be honest, that just makes you cranky and sad. Although it isn’t everything, nobody’s gonna be mad to have more fortune in their life. This colourful cross stitch pattern was featured in Issue 13 (“Fortune”) of XStitch Magazine.

As seen in XStitch Mag

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Ho Ho No cross stitch pattern
Ho Ho No cross stitch pattern
Ho Ho No Cross Stitch Pattern

Have a low tolerance for Christmas shenanigans? Or just want a “subtle” way to tell your family to not overstay their welcome? Channel your inner Scrooge with the Ho Ho No snarky cross stitch pattern.

 

If you’re feeling super “cheery” this season, the entire set of Merry Snarkmas cross stitch patterns can be purchased for a 25% discount from the individual pattern prices. 

not rated $4.99
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Jingle Those Balls cross stitch pattern
Jingle Those Balls cross stitch pattern
Jingle Those Balls Cross Stitch Pattern

Get in the holiday spirit and jingle those balls, baby! But jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-ass jingler. Get festive and jingly with the Jingle Those Balls cross stitch pattern.

 

If you’re feeling super “festive” this season, the entire set of Merry Snarkmas cross stitch patterns can be purchased for a 25% discount from the individual pattern prices. 

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Lick Me cross stitch pattern
Lick Me cross stitch pattern
Lick Me Cross Stitch Pattern

Just in case you want to get a little sassy with a delectable summer treat, the Lick Me cross stitch pattern is ideal. This pattern is perfect for playing all innocent with your friends when they see it — “What, how else are you supposed to eat an ice cream??” 😂 Whether you like a good innuendo or simply are an ice cream fanatic, the Lick Me cross stitch pattern will make a fun addition to your decor. If the text isn’t to your taste, you could add in your own text with any of the cross stitch alphabet charts.

 

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Lick My Frosting cupcake cross stitch pattern
Lick My Frosting cupcake cross stitch pattern
Lick My Frosting Cross Stitch Pattern

The sassy Lick My Frosting cupcake cross stitch pattern will certainly make a statement in your decor… 😂 This fun pattern was featured in Issue 8 of XStitch Magazine (the Munchies issue). Cupcakes are a little bundle of exquisite happiness in a mouthful. The great thing is they’re portable and socially acceptable, so you can have them in your office, in front of friends, in a public park…. all without raising an eyebrow like you may with other more “sensual” pursuits that bring you the same spark of joy… 😉

As seen in XStitch Mag

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Lord Fatbottom Cross Stitch Pattern
Lord Fatbottom cross stitch pattern
Lord Fatbottom Cross Stitch Pattern

Feeling a little down because you’ve put on a bit of weight while stuck in your house? Don’t even worry about that, Lord Fatbottom is here to show you that you can embrace your curves and looks absolutely spectacular at the same time. This cross stitch pattern features this princely looking chubby robin with his adorable little crown and necklace. Based on an original watercolour and ink pen illustration, delicate backstitch and French knots add texture and fun to this pattern. This pattern also comes with optional printable speech bubbles (some sassy, some sweet, and some blank for your own phrases) as a separate PDF so you can make Lord Fatbottom express your “current mood” as you wish. This pattern is also available in the Versailles Garden cross stitch pattern set.

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Lump of Coal cross stitch pattern
Lump of Coal cross stitch pattern
Lump of Coal Cross Stitch Pattern

Here’s the perfect gift to make for that family member that does all of their Christmas shopping at the dollar store. Tell them how much you care with the Lump of Coal cross stitch pattern.

 

If you’re feeling super “festive” this season, the entire set of Merry Snarkmas cross stitch patterns can be purchased for a 25% discount from the individual pattern prices. 

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Marie LaTweetonette cross stitch pattern
Marie LaTweetonette cross stitch pattern
Marie LaTweetonette Cross Stitch Pattern

Have you ever had days where you felt like you were born in the wrong era? The Marie LaTweetonette cross stitch pattern can help you channel your inner Rococo queen vibe (just don’t end up at the guillotine… 😂). This cross stitch pattern features an elegantly accessorized robin with her stunning French powdered wig. Marie even has her infamous beauty mark. Based on an original watercolour and ink pen illustration, delicate backstitch and French knots add whimsy and detail to this pattern. This pattern also comes with optional printable speech bubbles (some sassy, some sweet, and some blank for your own phrases) as a separate PDF so you can really make Marie LaTweetonette express your current mood. This pattern is also available in the Versailles Garden cross stitch pattern set.

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Mermaid Struggles cross stitch pattern
Mermaid Struggles cross stitch pattern
Mermaid Struggles Cross Stitch Pattern

Get inspired to live the dream as a mermaid with the Mermaid Struggles cross stitch pattern. Who wouldn’t love to live the life of lazing on a beach all day, looking gorgeous. The fourth of the Mermaid Tales cross stitch pattern set, this sassy cross stitch pattern inspires you to take a beach holiday. Beautiful lavender beads and sparkling metallic thread add a little touch of magic to this fun pattern. Let your hair down with the cheeky Mermaid Struggles cross stitch pattern.

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Mermaid Tales cross stitch pattern set
Cold Rock cross stitch pattern
Mermaid Tales Cross Stitch Pattern Set

Welcome to the Mermaid Tales cross stitch pattern set! This four-part series started as a stitchalong, and is now available as a standalone set! Featuring four individual patterns (Cold Rock, Telescope, Mirror Mirror, and Mermaid Struggles), this set is perfect for adding a bit of sass and bling to your home. These designs are inspired by an online conversation in which someone was complaining about crocheted mermaid tails for girls, saying “Why on earth would you want your daughter to dress like a fish whore???” Of course much hilarity ensued, and the idea for these patterns was born. :) The elegant beads and metallic threads contrast with the snarky text on each pattern, making these patterns a unique addition to your stash. PG versions are also included in the Cold Rock and Mirror Mirror patterns. Level up on your sass with these gloriously cheeky mermaid cross stitch patterns.

$18.99
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Merry Snarkmas cross stitch pattern set
Dashing Through the Hell No cross stitch pattern
Merry Snarkmas Cross Stitch Pattern Set

Up to your eyeballs in “festivities” and you’re oh so over it? Tell your family and friends you care with the Merry Snarkmas cross stitch pattern set. These patterns are the perfect gift for a loved one, or a memorable last-minute gift to a co-worker. Save 25% off the price of the nine individual patterns by purchasing this pattern set. Create a Christmas they’ll never forget.

not rated $38.99
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Mirror Mirror mermaid cross stitch pattern
Mirror Mirror mermaid cross stitch pattern
Mirror Mirror Cross Stitch Pattern

Mermaids are glorious beautiful creatures, but have you ever wondered whether they have the same insecurities as us mere mortals? The Mirror Mirror cross stitch pattern, the third of the Mermaid Tales cross stitch pattern set, is a cheeky look at a mermaid’s beauty routine. This pattern also comes with a PG version in case you have little ones at home who can read, or the text isn’t to your taste. Bring out your inner mermaid beauty with the Mirror Mirror cross stitch pattern.

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More alcohol cross stitch pattern
More alcohol cross stitch pattern
More Alcohol Cross Stitch Pattern

If you’ve never had a time in your life when you thought this exact phrase, I am very jealous of you my friend… The More Alcohol cross stitch pattern is a cheeky quote that can inspire greatness and shenanigans in the best of us. Only you can decide whether your choice for more alcohol would result in “NOW that person is super attractive” or “I’ve decided to quit my job and move to the Himalayas and become a yak farmer.” You can also customize this pattern to say “more [whatever fits your lifestyle]” in case you don’t drink. Get ready to dream of where your (potentially dodgy) life decisions may take you with the More Alcohol cross stitch pattern.

This pattern is also available in the full Adulting 101 Collection set. 

 

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Mortgage Sweet Mortgage cross stitch pattern
Mortgage Sweet Mortgage cross stitch pattern
Mortgage Sweet Mortgage Cross Stitch Pattern

Ah yes, home ownership, one of the things that’s seen as the hallmark of reaching adulthood… The Mortgage Sweet Mortgage cross stitch pattern is a fun play on the traditional phrase “Home Sweet Home,” and reflects the modern reality of many homeowners. One fun fact about the word mortgage is that it’s French for “death deed.” So if you’re wanting to cheer yourself on for taking on such a big responsibility, or to cheer on your friends and family when they take the leap, this pretty cross stitch pattern makes a perfect addition to your own home or an ideal homewarming gift.

 

This pattern is also available in the Get Sampled cross stitch pattern set.

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Mother Matriarch cross stitch pattern
Mother Matriarch cross stitch pattern
Mother Matriarch Cross Stitch Pattern

The Mother Matriarch cross stitch pattern proclaims to the world how fiercely strong you are, and how you are the anchor of your family around whom everyone else pivots. Are you a completely amazing woman who has surprised yourself with how much you’ve gone through and survived (particularly in the last year)? Or is your mother someone who has held the entire family and her world together with her strength and tenacity? In the past year we’ve had, every day should be Mother’s Day, so celebrate how awesome you are. This badass cross stitch pattern features bling such as beading and metallics to really emphasize how glorious you are, and how your shine lights up your world. If this pattern seems familiar, it’s an adaptation combining the Queen cross stitch pattern and the Queen Bee cross stitch pattern (appropriately enough), with added calligraphic text to proclaim how fierce you are. Never worked with beading or Kreinik metallics? Have no fear, there are beading tutorials and tips for using Kreinik so you have nothing to worry about. You are the Mother Matriarch, you can conquer any challenge that comes your way, and you’ve already proven that. ❤️

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Namaste cross stitch pattern
Namaste cross stitch pattern
Namaste Cross Stitch Pattern

We’re all taught to be so polite and not express our true feelings, but some days you really just need to be left alone. On days like that, let the peaceful-looking Namaste cross stitch pattern do the talking for you… 😉 This pattern was featured in Issue 11 (Namaste) of XStitch Magazine.

As seen in XStitch Mag

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No pants cross stitch pattern
No pants cross stitch pattern
No Pants Cross Stitch Pattern

Pants, the bane of most working adults, having to wear “work appropriate” pants for the majority of their day… But home is your safe haven, where you can cast aside those office trousers or uniform pants, and lounge in your jammies for the rest of the day. The No Pants cross stitch pattern is an uplifting reminder of the sanctity of a no-pants zone, and that you are completely normal for wanting to get those suckers off the moment you walk through the door. Curl up in your jammies and relax by stabbing away at the pretty No Pants cross stitch pattern.

This pattern is also available in the full Adulting 101 Collection set. 

 

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